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The night no one remembers


I don’t know why my brain thinks this, but Coop has a nice ass and a nice smile. He’s real pretty. Like a rare seashell on the beach. I kinda wanna pluck him up and put him in my pocket. Coop wiggles his ass, and I eye it, watching the globes bounce up and down.

I could marry that ass, I think as the world spins around me, a nice delicate twirl. 

I’m a ballerina now. Or maybe I just drank too much. 

No. No, I for sure drank too much.

I’ve never in my entire life thought a man was pretty before, but here we are—ten shots in and suddenly a man has become a delicate flower.

“You’re purty,” I say loudly into Coop’s ear, making his head swivel toward me. He grins at me with very straight white teeth. I kind wanna touch them.

“I am,” he says back, his cheeks flushed and those studs in his ears flashing at me. “You are very hot yourself.”

I giggle—yes, giggle—at that compliment and feel myself blush as Cooper moves closer to me, his body leaning into mine. He smells nice. Like peaches and vanilla. Like a cookie. And I fucking love cookies.

I nibble on his throat and Cooper gasps, wiggling against me.

“What are you doing?” he laughs as I work my way up his neck.

“I’m eating you. You’re delicious.”

Cooper laughs harder and holds me against him, letting me nip and lick my way up to his cheeks.

“I never knew a dude could be so tasty.”

“Oh, I’m so tasty. Especially my dick. It’s delicious,” Coop says, stumbling a little to his right. “How about we grab another drink, in celebration of Max and Beau’s marriage, and then you can snack on me some more.”

“Deal!” I say and burp loudly, causing people to turn and stare.

Coop cackles loudly at that and then applauds me. “Bravo. What a trumpet you have in there!”

I take a bow. It was quite amazing.

We stumble up to the bar together and order more shots, throwing them back in rapid succession. When they’re gone, I turn and nuzzle against him once more, unable to stay away for too long, licking my way across his skin. He’s like a popsicle. A treat.

The world spins, growing hazy. I think I’m floating and I see an angel with golden wings and hazel eyes.

It tells me to go after what I love. To be who I’m meant to be.

I feel like I could do anything. Nothing could go wrong. 

I am invincible. I have grown wings of my own and I can fly.

“I am going to jump off a building!” I tell Coop, waving my finger up in the air. “Dive right off, flap my arms, and soar.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” he says on a hiccup. “Your beautiful face will end up smooshed on the pavement. And I would be so sad.”

“It would be sad,” I say, touching my cheeks. “They are quite nice.”

“They are.”

We make our way out onto the strip, our bodies pressed together as we chatter about nothing and laugh our way into different venues. It’s crowded, but we never separate, just glued to one another’s side. 

I don’t know much right now, everything blurry and a little sideways, but I do know that he feels good against me, that he makes me smile.

I could marry someone like this, I think as I nibble on his ear.

“Oh look, Elvis. He’s so hot,” Cooper says, waving his hand around and hitting me in the face. I nibble on his fingers now, sucking them into my mouth. Tastes good. Like candy straws.

Cooper pulls his hand away, his fingers leaving my lips with a pop, and glances at the door. It’s red and a little like a door from a Dr. Seuss book. Maybe we will enter it and come out in a different dimension. 

“Let’s go in. I need to meet him. I can’t believe he’s been alive this whole time. I thought he died on a toilet!” Coop shouts.

“Me too! Maybe this is the gate to heaven.”

“So cool!” Coop groans and then enters. I trail after him like a puppy.

“Well, hello there!” a happy, shrill voice says, and I wince, leaning into Cooper for protection. She’s a witch. A vile one with a loud voice. And her lips are very red and wide. Like a snake. She’s going to eat us whole, head first.

“Are you here to get married?” she screeches.

Coop shakes his head, and I roll my eyes. Hm, that hurts. No more rolling.

“Yes, we’re getting married. He’s delicious and I want to eat him.”

The woman eyes us, but Cooper just laughs and kisses my cheek, making me blush once more. I am now a crayon. 

“You are crazy,” Coop says with a giggle, swatting at my chest and then nuzzling into me.

“Well, you two lovebirds, right this way,” the woman says, ushering us toward some paperwork. Signing is a blur. Mainly because I can’t stop looking at Cooper. Can’t stop kissing his skin, licking, biting. He’s a cookie.

My cookie.

Coop pays the lady some money and then we move in front of Elvis, who Cooper flirts with endlessly, making me glower and grunt. This is not fair. I can’t compete with Elvis. 

“Stop it,” I say as I pull Cooper into my chest. Then I glare at the man in the white jumpsuit. “He’s mine. You can’t have him.”

Elvis just shakes his hips at us and utters something I can’t understand. Probably an incantation. Then he’s blathering on and on while I slide my hand under Coop’s shirt, feeling his warm, soft skin.

 I want him naked. I want to explore his entire body with my tongue. I want to eat him from head to toe. 

Like snake lady probably does to her victims. 

“I do!” I blurt suddenly, wanting to get this over and done with. He should be my husband already. I’m tired of waiting. I can’t wait any longer. This is taking an eternity.

Coop slaps at my chest and sighs. “I’m not done yet, you boob!” 

He grasps my cheeks and meets my bleary stare. He repeats the vows as solemnly as he can before I mash my lips to his.

Finally. Enough talking. 

I just want to eat.

A flash of light and then another, making Coop and I blink our gazes to the side.

My phone has been taken from my back pocket and is held up by the lady before us, her red-mouthed grin spreading her lips wide. Her tongue snakes out and she slithers toward us.

“Gorgeous. So delectable. Now off you go. Happy marriage.”

She tucks my phone into my back pocket, squeezing my ass as she goes, and Coop and I stumble outside, our hands linked, all of my cares gone. 

I married my seashell.

I married my man.

“Let’s go eat ice cream in bed and celebrate,” Coop says, and I nod. 

Fuck yes to ice cream.

And fuck yes to a bed.


I eat Coop more than I eat the ice cream. Vanilla and chocolate, which is delicious, but honestly, he’s better. I could put him in a cone, add some sprinkles, and be happy.

“Stop putting ice cream on me,” Coop grumbles but then pulls my head down to his chest to clean it up. 

I happily do it too. Just lick and lick until he’s clean.

He tastes even better like this, like spun sugar and whipped cream.

“I like you in ice cream. You should wear it more often,” I slur as I smear more across him, very close to his dick. Mostly on his dick. And some on his nipples. Might put some in his ass too and suck it right out.

We lost our clothes somewhere and now we’re both naked.

Don’t mind it, honestly. I like being nude. Clothes are too scratchy and hot.

“Oh god,” Cooper groans as I suck on his nipple, my hard dick pressed against the mattress. “Oh god, that feels good.”

His hands thread through my hair as he holds my mouth to him. But I can’t stay in one place too long. His dick needs to be licked clean, and I want to explore. So I pop off that little nub and wiggle free of his hold. I drag my mouth down his chest, making sure to grind my dick against his skin whenever possible, and then I lap at his cock. 

He cries out as I do it, horny for more than just my tongue and mouth, I’m sure. But for the first time since feeling invincible, I feel a little nervous.

I don’t want to get this wrong.

However, those thoughts disappear when suddenly Coop is straddling me. He somehow managed to overpower me, and I’m on my back. 

“You’re stronger than you look,” I say, and he waggles his eyebrows at me, going slightly cross-eyed.

“I am a very strong man,” he says and then kisses my lips fiercely, pulling my lips between his teeth and sucking. I’m groaning, arching up into him, needing more friction on my ice cream dick, but he doesn’t give it to me. No he just tortures me with the feel of him, the scent. 

I try to grab hold of him and push him onto my cock, but before I can, he’s scooting down my body, pushing my knees into my chest and sliding his tongue inside my hole.

“Cooper!” I shout, and he hums in excitement. I’ve never had my ass eaten, never had anything inside it.

I arch off the bed, grasping for purchase on anything I can find.

What is he doing to me?

And why does it feel so good?

I don’t know. I just don’t want him to stop. 

I grind against his face, letting him lap and suck and kiss my sensitive little hole. My balls are drawn up and ready to explode, my body trembling.

“I’m gonna—” I try and find words, but between the alcohol and the way he’s tonguing me, I can’t quite seem to find them. And when he presses his tongue particularly far up inside of me, I explode all over myself, a sloppy, sticky mess. 

I think it’s over, that he’s done, but he’s not. He keeps feasting, licking inside of me until I’m worked right back to the edge.

But I can’t come twice and him not at all, so I pull him off me and repay the favor. Only instead of my tongue, I use my fingers, dipping them into the ice cream and fucking them into his tight hole. My little ice cream shake, I think as his ass jiggles in my palms.

As I fuck them into him, curling my fingers against his prostate, he comes almost instantly, exploding across his chest.

On instinct, I flip him over, bite his ass roughly and then use his crack as my own personal cock sleeve, fucking against it until I come once more, spraying my release all over his back and neck. Some even gets in his hair.

“Fuck,” he mutters as he turns toward me, his eyes drooping. “I’m glad you asked me to marry you. You’re so hot.”

“Same. I’m glad I did too.”

He grins at me, and I grin back.

Fuck, we’re gonna have so much sex.

That’s the last thought I have before passing out entirely.

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